PERSONAL MYTHOLOGIES
nec spe , nec metu
..somewhere in London..
..Where r u from?
..from Painting -land...
How can we live without the unknown before us..René Char
what do you see?
the air of Madrid
what is the color of the air?
the color of the air...
..le ciel , l ´enfer et la postérité ont perdu pas mal de points..autrement on n´a plus de temps soit de prédire soit d´apprendre..
queuing is the natural thing in London..the egg story
I discover myself on the verge of a usual mistake..Walt Whitman
When I see a Frans Halls I long to paint, when I see a Rembrandt I want to give up..a true painter doesn't seek the new to paint, but rather the old to paint afresh..Max Liebermann
the life recorded is neither my life nor your life , but life purely and simply..
think the feeling, feel the thought..
Why do you run? For that I want..
..Each year these waters claim a pale face..
..you are going on a strange journey said the fortune - teller
and i answer: dans la peinture , la chair ne meurt jamais..
..at the end you get used to stand quietly in front of the disaster..
je voudrais voir ma vie depuis la fin , connaître le résultat de mes actes avant de les accomplir..
..We are nothing
Water without air; or to speak of our isolation..
..Liberty walks alone and misery takes the Sunday bus...
it seems 2 me that 2day, if the artist wishes 2 be serious-2 cut out the original niche 4 himself- or at least preserve his own innocence of personality- he must once more sink himself in Solitude. there is 2 much Talk and Gossip; Pictures r apparently made , like Stockmarket prices , by the association of people Eager 4 Profit..E.DEGAS 1856
-everything is still the shame..
j ´aime les nuages..les nuages qui passent..lá-bas..lá-bas..les merveilleux nuages! le SPLEEN de PARIS- C. BAUDELAIRE..
i make up the rules as i go along..
the trajectory of an artist cannot be conceived without rigorous ethical requirement..
mon coeur me criait de partir, et cependant je tardais toujours..
to be an artist meant to choose a different lifestyle, to live minimally with cheap rent and minimal needs and somehow come through..today is more and more hard to afford that romance..
..detached from reality,
I built the myth of innocence,
from a desire to amnesia ..
ZO - GRAFEIN
more reality in the imaginary..raison d´être !!!!
c´est encore assez vague pour vous..
the act of painting is a form of writing .. painting is a form of writing that creates signs ... mainly painting has been a creation of signs that were always correctly read by contemporaries, after some learning course .. .
..the only country that you belong is the painting, of all the painters and you call for a lifetime to sign with..
-painting is like having your hands stuck in side a mattress. F.Kline
-painting is the art of surrounding a spot of Venetian red in such way that it appears vermilion..eD.
WE HAVE 2 LIVE WITHOUT HOPE NOR DESPAIR
avec quoi peignez-vous, Maître?
avec ma bite, allez vous faire foutre!..Renoir
there is also a theory about nationality.as happens in romances , nationality doesn´t exist..nationality is indeed a romance..you see romances are complex , involving more than one person.that means that every detail can be ambiguous..and
..and we rise again in the dawn
Beauty is not a simply an intelligible combination of opposing elements. In their reciprocal antagonism, one element tends to actively erupt in its opposite making its mark like a wound , like damage..beauty may suggest the existence of an ideal and logical order, but this order must always include within itself the seed of its own destruction..or if it is the destructive element that is identified as beauty, then it must be illuminated by something ideal..Michel Leiris
..and he died at 16
he put a rifle in his mouth..and laid across his bed at night..
he beleived that the only truth was work
Heracles : Tourne-toi!
Omphale : Non!
Heracles : Contre moi!
Omphale : Non, pas comm'ça!
Heracles : ta gueule!
Omphale : oui , comme ca !..c ´est bien
Heracles : bouge tes reins! Lentement!
Omphale : oui comme ca...
Heracles : ta gueule !..
Omphale : en silence..en douceur!
Voix off(P.B.): la passion fait le vide , elle rassemble sur une seule persone les affects dispersés á tout vent par la générosité insatiable de l ´amour flou..
we are in the measure in which we play..our livesSaid of a person or group who has left his native country for personal reasons or due to the circumstantial social reality or environment. And therefore not desired, cannot return. It may be in some cases a way to protest against the country ..
a self-exile ..
l´insomniaque rêve d´une défaillance de la conscience qui lui permettrait de dormir comme l´acrobate rêve d´une défaillance de la pesanteur qui lui permettrait de ne jamais retomber...Jean Baudrillard , page 63 , cool memories 1980-1985
you are not from the castle , you are not from the village , you aren´t anything!! or rather unfortunatelly , you are something , a Stranger.. Kafka, the castle
..the so-called extreme sexuality against utopia..
..the absurdity of our life had the charm of clichés..
..sensual pleasure is a dictatorship ..
..a tyranny of choice ..
The beautiful persons are gods who have descended strictly between ourselves and provoke us insolently with his perfection..PB
the infinitesimal foam of the cocktail was smoothing my tongue
The beauty exists only when it is admired, everything in it is an ostentation..PB
..later
..tu comptais venir me dire bonsoir , demand-t-elle d ´une voix blanche..
Heracles : i love to make it with u dressed like a woman..
Omphale : i love that u fuck me dressed like a woman..
Heracles : yeah ..yeah
Omphale : my transvestite hero! …
Heracles : j´ ai soif de toi!..
Omphale : drink this..
..sorrow over a movie on which them fools had projected their lives..
the comedy has concluded..
why do you not laugh about it ?..the curtain has gone down ..down..everything is a farce..a sow farce..
we are going to play the indians ,but as we don´t have any cowboys , it is better to play the vagabonds..
if the curse kills , then tomorrow i will be a dead man
better , a dead vagabond!!
you think you are someone when you introduce yourself to someone else..but later when you are at that point to come...you don´t think about you are anyway..at the end you are just a girl which is about to come..
and you will say: the easiness of the sexual act bored me immediately..
afterwards you will talk about nationalities or smoke a cigarette or drink a macchiato freddo..but then you watch this person.. he put his jeans on..
you think : he is just another hipster who ´s running in his sister´s jeans and he doesn´t know a shit..
anyway ..later you ´ll remember the story about the guy who wrote :
the bed is empty now..i try 2 sleep..i put some pillows next 2 me to reminds me that still you are there..try 2 sleep again..instead of touching you , i grasp the fucking pillows..vacant..i will spray your perfume on the sheets in the morning, just like that..
too wide now
all the girlfriends left
left as Tove said at potato-boiling time
and then HERACLES is moving slowly to clean his injuries..
HERACLES : el dios y el demonio han bajado y habitan en mi pecho ,ya han dejado mi mente destrozada , un cerebro moribundo.. me voy ..
LA VOZ : ¿ Adónde ?
HERACLES : no lo sé ..
LA VOZ : ¿ de que le sirve todo éso?
HERACLES :no lo sé !
LA VOZ : el tiempo acaba..
HERACLES : no tan pronto..ayúdame!!..yo no cometí este crimen!
LA VOZ: claro que si!!
HERACLES: deseo que todos arderán sin edad ni sexo
LA VOZ: los infelices son muy peligrosos.. como tu
HERACLES: la salvaré..
LA VOZ : no puedes
HERACLES : absuélveme !!
LA VOZ : el hombre quiere volar pero siempre se marea..pobre analfabético!! .. labrador anal..
..good painting usually occurs at times of bad goverment, bad times, and i think we live in horrendous times..and when all kind of artists rise to those occasions, they give man a reason to beleive that he's not ordianry, that he's really great. and yet at the same time- remaining humble..Brice Marden , 1976
sueños con divanes Chesterfield..the sorrow of a movie done that they have desired to live.
the tinkling of the specs , the promises of the tablecloths
..sensación de calma chicha..Frenesis..
try 2 eat something , try 2 remember why ..madness all over..maybe now freedom will come with the next train..maybe god will pick his giant hammer and smash my head again ..and again..
Oracle: you will possess a solid consciousness of yourself as an independent, even isolated human being, seeing that no one can really get inside of you and feel what you sense..
and you will move among the shadows..
it can also lead to a radical reappraisal of your life and to a sober consideration of yourself as a human being relating to other human beings
..it´s already daytime and the sky is dying now..
..later
Heracles : there are no tragic moments, only moments
Omphale : what remains or rather what doesn´t , makes something tragic
Heracles : at the beginning we do not feel the tragic but
from the moment that we miss the physical presence of it , at this moment already , it's established the beginning of the tragic ..
and like Pozzo said i can´t go for long without the society of my likes..
Omphale : it´s better to keep my skelletons out
Heracles : from the moment that the memory of something take place , the tragic begins ..
Omphale : in your morning milk i´ll put a drop of sorrow in
Heracles : the understanding of that we are not returning to the previous situation, make the tragic real
Omphale :i'll phone to fortune teller for a better advice.,,,here is the number 19294069..wait, it rings!!
Heracles: the absence of something is the new reality ,
ignites the tragic
..c ´est ce côté optimiste que j´aime chez toi..
Omphale :oh merde , c'est le répondeur qui se déclencher
Heracles: from the moment that the people are accustomed to the constant noise to justify their existence, they can´t ask for changes .
Omphale : oui , c'est pour une consulte, je vais essayer plus tard..tant pis..pf!!
i know a spell to glorify your sadness!..
Heracles : probably when the people start not shouting and estimating the silence, at this moment and only in this one, it is possible to say that they are ready for a revolution
Omphale : john cage .4.33
because we all arrive somewhere in heaven alive..
..when all is said and done , what remains to be said is the disaster..
´what then? sang Plato ghost. What then?..W.B. YEATS
..quand il fut de l ´autre côté du pont, les fantomes vinrent á sa rencontre..( film muet de F.W.Mumau, Nosferatu)
..70 centilitres d´alcool pour 10 heures de tranquillité..quand je ne buvais pas , j´étais d´une mélancolie épouvantable..
people with souls are the ones who make the world move..
..my dead father's soul protects me from the sharks..
Voyous Voyants Voyeurs..tourisme as a commercialist nomadism..
Optimism begins in a broad grin, and Pessimism ends with blue spectacles. Besides , they are both of them merely poses..Mrs Cheveley
Laundry .. 2 men talk while one of them put the clothes in the machine ..
-I'm not hurt
-and this blood .. is it yours?
-this blood is not mine..
vete a follar ahora mismo para estar mas tranquillo mañana..ya me diras petit con! oui, c´est ca , vas-y .. a mi regreso , el avión estaba lleno de turistas alemanes que estaban de vuelta de sus vacasiones sexuales en la Asia profunda..profuna como tu garganta..oui c´est ca ..la marge (1976) la pipe de pink floyd..yo preferiría una clara, con limón..sus pezones son duros , pero los tuyos son mas grandes..oui , vas-y ,métela...calor y sudor...en la selva del cemento hay arboles de naranjas agrias que huelen el pis de gatos y de perros..
pas perdus , rerouvés..
lá quelque chose sourd , se déschaîne , se déshire ..les cris de la jouissance sont les cris de l´incommunicable..
virtue has just left taking along her deep blue color..
a man came .. he was a painter and his eyes were failing.. he said : I used to see what´s behind the faces and behind the hills and the trees and the sea.. I used to see what no one can see and paint what I see.. I lost my faith in it ..
he offered me cure.. he laughed loudly..
he remained stretched from backs looking at the spots on the ceiling..
can your faith heal me?.. if so , I will paint your portrait , a portrait of a lie..
if you were a painter of extraordinary talent , then you could paint my authentic and hypocritical portrait..
the artist begins by sparring with his insides, as if his interior were a separate being, an old and elusive boxing partner with whom he jabs and feints , but lands no heavy blows..
Twinkling summer lights
..it takes a lot of courage not to do anything..second hand brushes , bird feathers .. it takes everything to paint ..
the truth caries the death of everything and your truth is Fatal !!.. don´t complain later ..a broken memory full of lies ..
arte is a combination of hard work and skills..if god want to destroy you, then he get you mad..
it is also as if the thought of death , of nothingness , makes him feel restless and empty , hungry for new sensations that can never quite fulfill him..
she says the color of her hair -
she says the color of her eyes ,
she says her occupation ..nothing!!
she is at the kitchen preparing something ..after she is cleaning the dishes..
she is talking about the weather..she is talking on the phone
she takes fotos of herself..she is putting her fotos on her blog
she is at the bed..smiling and reading Corto maltese
she says:I do not care about your absolute sincerity .
it is humanly comforting but not interesting..
when you swim with sharks survive only being the greatest of all ..
sexual antagonism begins practically at birth..
..le fou qui sucede le flou, l´ image fixe au mouvement..
..sex goes beyond the physical act and becomes a vehicle for self-transformation and inward change..
she enters to a room
she meets a guy
she gets undressed
she says
the city is strange..i would like to relax now..come here and lay on me..
the 2 bodys liedown
she says
i can think of someone that he is not here now
that´s why i came..to remember him..but is useless..YOU ARE NOT HIM..
it ´s a pitty..you can´t dream anymore ..it doesn´t matter who you loved or who you hated more..at the end of the day, your monkey cries out for help hanging of the last living tree and you saty silent without dreams..so you thing it si more honest to fuck and forget ..
piss on you, you goon!!
Baudelaire aima-t-il une femme autant qu´il aima Dalacroix? she was asking herself..
him: let me love her and be sensible as well..
the voice : sensitive are never free
she says ..
i smoke a cigarette and i listen the radio,i watch the news , i surf the internet
but i can´t forget what is happening around..
i have enough of the crisis and the banks and the politicians..
they all liers , everywhere..
i don´t beleive nobody..
¨Love is showing own weaknesses without the other will assume..¨
I must learn to write if I want to forget
i finish my cigarette i and i try to forget.. everybody ..
y que se van a tomar por a culo.
..¿me añorarás ?..devolver la prenda olvidada..aquí la tienes..que olor tan agradable..cicuta..no puede morirse así..un mono en la luna..todos intentan irse..hay un remedio muy sencillo ..disculpa no creo conocerla ..tengo el numero 150 en la lista del espera ..¿si no existe el bien porque debe existir el mal ?..pero la gente quiere ser feliz..superficial ..las toallas ..lava te ahora..no soy una dama y tampoco soy hermosa..
but i can´t forget
the voice : in the darkness no-one forgives!!
..hate..I possess as guarantee the hatred that I sit for the men and for our company, hate that it will last while live..
i said her she was a beast
she said /
beware of beasts. there is a species which stays alive 3 days after they die..
..you spend your strength resisting the suction of the shopkeeping mentalities while also plotting to steal a place for yourself on the rich man´s wall , a place some of your closest friends may also wish to occupy ..Rothko
the old masters build up their paintings from within..
the spirit acts on the body..transfigured it, and then it covers witha veil that shows more beautiful than really is..
don´t worry about 2morrow
for 2morrow will worry about itself..
each day has enough trouble of its own..
..the art, is to say, the search of the beauty and the attainment of the truth..
it´s the women who can hardly wait the widows that scream at the funeral..
..because people often talk about being scared of change
and the voices of the living can be heard by the dead..
now you flirting with heroin or is it cocaine?
casanova is your real name?..
J´ai fait l´amour
j´ai fait le mort
t´étais pas née
– elle est née des caprices
- là un dard venimeux
N. Cave -B.Ferry – A. Bashung
elle arrive. .
-tu m'as manquée, me dit
-j´ai payé ma part en termes de douche froide et au moins de masturbation..
-oh , pauvre chou, c´est vrai?..
-je n´ai pas besoin de faire appel á mes souvenirs, en ce qui te concerne.. mais tu est toujours super bandante, ma chérie..
-alors, je reste?
-merci pour la visite..
she took a sip of her coffee/ she used to be out each night with a different man/ she was doing it for quarters and dimes /which left little sis and me disreputable..
sensuality is nothing without a certain disturbed dragging..
Some secrets of love you take to your bed and there's
some that you take to your grave. ..Well I took mine
to a new address, where I took my rest, at the end
of the day.
...ja ja , the flesh is limited, unlike the thought!!
-est-ce que je me trompe beaucoup en affirmant que vous êtes étranger á Madrid?
..we transform ourselves in tourists of our own history.. And we savor the quiet.
we are always immigrants in every city,
at the 10nth month in april i was born
like a lilac wine from a lilac tree, botanique Jeff
j´ enleve mon voile en pleine rue
il y a personne..je pis , tant pis !!
pas de mémoire /hard rain is gonna fall
/and the winter lovers vont quitter leurs jackets pour se coucher en silence
/summer in Venice , later in a café in Berlin , a Zugvogel
/in fernen land
cette fois je te tiens, je te laisse pas
..vuelvo al sur..siempre al sur
If I had the vigor of a mozo..
la mort , n´est qu´un passage
mais dis moi
which of the dead men has returned from Hades /
i asked for an exile for us..
and i ll never get it..
Keres, daughters of Hades, goddesses of death
la chute
a nuptial bath of tears
inheritor of the family lands
half awake
comme il est gaspillé le temps
this is the one son , old man
desaparecido con alas ..
i saw misery in the eyes of the children
i saw silver souls crying surprise surprise!!
if you , father,
beleive me ,
entre , mon enfant , mon fils
ta mélancolie, ton dégoût pour la société, ton humilité devant les autres, ta rigueur en face de toi-même fait que ta vie devient un objet de mystère et de curiosité
i ´ll stay awake waiting for you to come and we ´ll toast some slides of bread for breakfast buttered with honey from the old jar ..your mother will be sleeping..
and later , i ´ll watch some naked girls to cover up my sickness ..
i am here, looking at you,
I miss you ,
miss you a lot
i need a moment to cry with..
nothing else
miss you a lot
i need a moment to cry with..
nothing else
hors d´ici!
il n´y a plus d´àme dans ces regards que tu fixes sur moi!!
an older man educate my father..
to be in doupt to be good and to be the son and to be the punisher
Troy doesn´t existe anymore..doesn´t existe
the white waters will become red again
corpses everywhere ..
I have no wings to flee,
I have no need either..
LYSSA infused the HERO with insanity ..je je je
impitoyable..elle me lance un singulier regard
.. I am the lucky one, now ..
not anymore , I am not ashamed of my action,
I don´t not rest .
J´ai continue
ma beauté
mais , oú est ma mère?
Un rêve , un affreux rêve..pour mon père ..
¿ le ha matado con una piedra o a lo mejor era una cuerda de una guitarra española?
¿Pueden estos huesos de secarse solos ?
il y avait des Revenants .. j¨ai entendu dire que parfois , des Revenants étaient apparus pour avertir les hommes de leur mort
I went to a furtive union in the caves of the malnacidos ..
la chasteté des vierges , Artémis la déesse vierge part au clair de lune chasser les cerfs et les biches
i had some babylino diapers protect you..
your shaved head, excoriates my cheeks
scratches my cheeks
Ivre de plaisir
étranger , the women love their sons not their husbands
make my proper garment in a long forgotten loom to cover my wounds
así seguiré
así seguiré
to hold on inside my mind , to hold on
labrador ..
tus males te han enloquecido- When bad reputation gets hold of a man, his language turns bitter
do not cry anymore , the train is going now
away .. i am going to star a war
there is no favourable wind blowing here
..no more entertainment !!!..
The language (or the thought) is something singular..
..the beauty will be transformed into palpable reality
..excuse my philosophical fit.. It is that overwhelms the truth.
all humans are in-power( en dynamei) actors of their own lives using the virtual reality and interactivity .. they are big brother´s children..ready - steady - acción!!
all ideas come through when their edges join themselves
the sky is empty now, and the sea holds nothing but despair..
extracts from my novel Human Condition (work in progress)..European tradition. Monsters and ghosts..
the painter knows that his dreams are cruel and violent..the demons of the woods are coming every morning and they say terrible stories of love and hate..